Funny 1 Liners and Dad Jokes

Love em' or detest em', we all know at least a few funny dad jokes. Those cringe-worthy, corny 1-liners are a childhood staple, whether it was your dad telling them or a sitcom dad on Television. And you know what? Sometimes, they're so bad that they're actually practiced! The best dad jokes work for any occasion, but your pop will particularly appreciate one thrown into his Father'southward Solar day messages or a birthday card. He'll simply have to crack a grin when you lot tell him yous want to grill him some halibut "just for the halibut" (ba-dum tss). Or that a Dad is similar a fine wine—he'll age well if you lock him in the cellar! And if yous're struggling with finding gifts for dad this year, at least you know he'll appreciate a DIY card total of his own unique brand of sense of humor.

These and then-bad-they're-practiced i-liners, puns, and funny jokes for kids are appropriate for any time of twenty-four hour period, month, or year! Nosotros're certain that Ree Drummond'south husband Ladd appreciates a cheesy dad joke—he loves a expert prank, after all. Maybe he'll surprise Ree (who has the best mom jokes, we should add) and tell her he's on a seafood diet—he sees food, and so he eats information technology! Become ahead and test out a few of these blench-worthy nevertheless hilarious best dad jokes on your friends and family—you're guaranteed to get a express joy!

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Best Corny Dad Jokes

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• Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In instance he got a hole in i.
• How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit bill of fare.
• How practise you follow Will Smith in the Mud? Follow the fresh prints.
• What practise you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
• Why exercise seagulls fly over the bounding main? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
• Am I the only man my wife has ever dated? Unfortunately yep, she said the others were all nines or tens!
• I'm thinking I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a large stride forward.
• What's the departure between a human being'south wallet before and later kids? There are pictures where the money used to exist.
• What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where'south popcorn?
• I wish my gray hair started in Las Vegas considering what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
• What vegetable is cool, but not that absurd? Radish.
• My kid is blaming me for ruining their altogether. That's ridiculous, I didn't fifty-fifty know it was today!
• I haven't spoken to my married woman in four years. I idea information technology would be rude to interrupt her!
• My child gave me a 'World'southward Best Dad' mug. At to the lowest degree she inherited my sense of sense of humour.
• When a toddler reaches the "why?" stage, it's like opening a bottle of champagne—once it's uncorked, in that location's no going back.
• What exercise you call ii monkeys who share an Amazon Prime business relationship? Prime mates.
• You can't spell par entry without "try."
• How do you measure the mass of an influencer's following? By Instagrams!
• How do you teach kids about taxes? Eat 38% of their ice foam.
• Two sheep walk into a—baaaa.
• What practice you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable.
• What did the seal with one fin say to the shark? If seal is broken, do not eat.
• I wish my kids weren't offended by my Frozen jokes. They really need to allow it become!
• Why did the football coach get to the bank? To get his quarter dorsum.
• Why tin't a leopard hibernate? He'southward always spotted.
• Air used to exist free at the gas station, at present it costs 2.l. You want to know why? Inflation.
• I tried to get a smart machine the other day but they sold out besides fast. Why? I guess I'grand just a fleck tedious.
• I told my wife that a hubby is like a fine wine: we simply get meliorate with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.
• Why does a husband atomic number 82 a domestic dog'south life? He comes in with dingy anxiety, gets comfortable by the fire, and waits to be fed.
• Did you lot hear virtually the claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted a bit more space.
• What does the stork do one time he's delivered the infant? He lies on the couch and drinks a beer!
• How many telemarketers does information technology take to change a calorie-free bulb? Only 1, but he has to practice information technology during dinner.
• Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice.
• How you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
• Why are fish and so smart? They live in schools!
• What'due south the best thing near Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
• Why did the homo autumn down the well? Considering he couldn't meet that well!
• Why do peppers make such good archers? Because they habanero.
• What did the sink tell the toilet? You look flushed!
• Where practise boats get when they're sick? To the dock.
• What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield!
• Stop looking for the perfect friction match; use a lighter.
• Can February March? No, but April May!
• Why was 6 afraid of 7? Considering 7 ate ix!
• I'm so good at sleeping that I do it with my eyes closed.
• Try the seafood diet—you come across food, and then you lot swallow it.
• What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
• Did you hear the 1 about the roof? Never listen, it'south over your head.
• What'due south brown and sticky? A stick.
• I hated facial hair but and then it grew on me.
• Information technology really takes guts to be an organ donor.
• Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to become spreading it!
• What did the plumber say to the vocalist? Squeamish pipes.
• I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but yous didn't similar it.
• How do you deal with a fear of speed bumps? You slowly get over it.
• I ordered a craven and an egg online. I'll let yous know.
• I'one thousand reading an anti-gravity book. I can't put it downwards!
• I'd avoid the sushi if I were y'all. It's a footling fishy!
• What state is known for its pocket-sized drinks? Minnesota.
• What'southward Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1
• What do houses wear? An address.
• What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding twenty-four hours? Information technology was loaf at kickoff sight.
• What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
• What did the body of water say to the embankment? Nothing, it but waved.
• What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.

Best Dad Joke Puns

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• Why'd the fisherman order the halibut? Merely for the halibut!
• Why is Peter Pan ever flying? Because he Neverlands.
  
• What exercise you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
• How do you lot throw a party in outer infinite? You planet.
• Why was the broom late to class? Information technology over-swept.
• How do yous make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!
• What practise you lot say to a rabbit on its altogether? Hoppy Birthday!
• What type of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
• Why couldn't the wheel stand by itself? It was two tired!
• Wanna hear a joke well-nigh construction? I'm still workin' on it!
• What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
• How does a lawyer say good day? I'll exist suing ya!
• Y'all can't trust atoms. They make up everything!
• What made the lycopersicon esculentum blush? Information technology saw the salad dressing.
• Can I swoop in this pool? It deep-ends.
• What did the buffalo say to its son when he left? Bison!
• Why do vampires ever seem ill? They're bury.
• What musical instrument practice you find in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste!
• Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
• How exercise astronomers organize a party? They planet.
• Why do bees accept sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
• Why exercise melons accept weddings? They cantaloupe!
• What did the law officer say to her omphalus? You're under a vest!
• What exercise you call a fibbing cat? A king of beasts.
• What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
• If a kid refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
• Did you hear about the outlet who got in a fight with the ability cord? He thought he could socket to him.
• What do you lot phone call a fancy fish? Then-fish-ticated.
• If April showers bring May flowers, what practise May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
• How do yous make 7 even? You lot take away the s.
• What kind of cars do eggs drive? Yolkswagens.
• Where do math teachers keep holiday? Times Foursquare.
• Why was the stadium then hot later the game? Considering all the fans left.

All-time I-Liner Dad Jokes

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• The coach went to the bank to get his quarterback.
• I asked my dog what'due south two minus two. He said nothing.
• The beginning thing Santa's elves learn in schoolhouse is their elf-abet.
• Ghosts are bad liars because you can see right through them.
• Shouldn't the "roof" of your mouth actually exist called the ceiling?
• All vampires keep their money in a special identify—the blood bank.
• The pony couldn't sing because it was a little equus caballus.
• If ii vegetarians arrive an statement, is it still called beef?
• RIP humid water, y'all volition exist mist.
• I told my dr. I heard buzzing, but she said it's merely a bug that's going effectually.
• I ate a clock the other day. It was very time consuming.
• I have a make clean witting—it'southward never been used.
• I one time wrote a song about a tortilla, but it's more of a wrap.
• You can tell it's a dogwood tree from its bark.
• When does a joke plow into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
• They say that 3/two people are bad at fractions.
• Dogs can't operate MRI machines simply catscan.
• A witch's vehicle goes brrrroom brrrroom!
• I'm worried for the calendar because its days are numbered.
• Dear Math, it's fourth dimension to grow up and solve your ain problems.
• I but know 25 letters of the alphabet—I don't know y.
• I merely don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.
• I used to play pianoforte by ear, only now I utilise my hands.

Best Dumb Dad Jokes

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• Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
• How do celebrities stay cool? They take many fans.
• Why did the picture go to prison? Because it was framed.
• How does a hurricane see? With one eye.
• Where practise polar bears keep their money? The snow bank.
• What'due south a tornado'southward favorite game? Twister!
• How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse information technology.
• What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
• What gets wetter the more than it dries? A towel.
• What did the banana say to the boy? Nothing, bananas tin't talk!
• What rock group has iv men who don't sing? Mountain Rushmore.
• My dominate told me to have a expert day, so I went habitation!
• What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
• "Did you get your haircut?" No, I got them all cut.
• I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
• Wanna hear a joke most paper? Never heed. It's tearable.
• How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
• I talk to myself because sometimes I just demand expert advice.
• I used to be addicted to the hokey-pokey until I turned myself around.
• What concert would cost only 45 cents? fifty Cent featuring Nickelback!
• What do you call someone who tells dad jokes simply isn't a dad? A fake pa.
• I could tell a joke near pizza, merely it'south a piffling cheesy.
• If you see a law-breaking at an Apple store, are yous an iWitness?
• I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he fifty-fifty laughs.
• I detest Velcro. It'south a rip off.
• Bound is hither! I got and so excited that I wet my plants.
• I had to sell my vacuum cleaner. All information technology was doing was gathering dust.
• Do yous know how many people are dead at a cemetery? All of them.
• "I'll call you later." Don't phone call me later, call me Dad.
• If the early bird gets the worm, I'll sleep in until in that location'south pancakes.
• The wedding ceremony was and then beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.

Best Dad Jokes for Kids

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• Why are spiders so smart? They tin can observe everything on the web.
• What practice you lot call a toothless carry? A gummy carry!
• What do yous give a ill lemon? Lemon-assist.
• What did the nose tell the finger? Finish picking on me!
• Why can't your hand be 12 inches long? Because and so it would exist a foot.
• What kind of car does a sheep similar to drive? A lamborghini.
• What central is used to open up bananas? A mon-cardinal.
• What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
• How practice yous talk to a behemothic? Y'all utilize big words!
• How practise you lot make a tissue dance? Put a trivial boogie in it!
• What kind of milk comes from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
• What'south a sea monster's favorite lunch? Fish and ships.
• What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
• Tin a kangaroo bound higher than a firm? Of form, houses can't bound.
• Why are pigs so bad at sports? They always hog the ball.
• Why shouldn't y'all tell an egg a joke? It'll crack upwards.
• What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
• Why did the scarecrow win an honour? He was outstanding in his field.
• What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers!
• What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
• How does a penguin build a firm? Igloos it together.
• Why is no one friends with Dracula? He's a pain in the neck.
• Where practise you acquire all well-nigh ice cream? Sundae school.

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